her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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