you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
