guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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