i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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