Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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