Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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