You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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