I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
