I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize