normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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