I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
