theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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