he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You pole danced in your parka.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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