I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
