3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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