so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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