I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
