So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
