Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Semen is not good for contacts.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
