So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
