I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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