just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
