Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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