I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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