U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
