Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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