apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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