I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
