he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
