Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
