i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
