Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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