Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
