I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
