Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
