well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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