No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
