Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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