I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
