DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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