Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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