Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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