So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
