Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
