Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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