There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
