do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
