i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
