Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
