glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
