So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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