mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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