R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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