i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
