ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
