forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
