You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
