a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
