not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
