I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
