I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
