Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
