I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
