oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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