if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
