you would pick up someone in the library
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
