Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
