his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
