Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
