I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
