Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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