I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
