We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
