bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
