are you still at the devil's house?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think a kid would responsible me up
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
