dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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