the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
